Lazy days and changing ways

So here’s the funny thing. I wrote a blog post (or the beginnings of one) about 3 weeks ago, with every intention of posting it… and I couldn’t finish it. Mostly this was because the materials I wanted to post with it weren’t available, but it’s no biggie.

Still, I best do SOMETHING before the end of March, otherwise it’s like I’ve dissapeared.

It’s been a really busy month, with house moving and crazyness being organised. I still have yet to actually sort the moving house, but I’m hoping it happens before my birthday in June. I just need to save up enough money to get out of where I am now.

Originally, the plans were to move to various places, or with various people, but all that’s faded away now. It took a lot of soul searching, but I finally realised I need to be by myself, instead of moving with other people, and I need it to be in my hometown.

I have a real soft spot for my hometown, but after going away to university everything about being here felt suffocating. The same streets, the same buildings, the same faces and everything about going backwards instead of forwards. But once I stopped feeling for a while and started thinking about it, I realised that being in the town from my childhood wasn’t what was making me feel that way. There were a lot of things causing that feeling, but I’ve discovered that there are ways I can make living here not feel so oppressive. I was keeping myself in a cage, because that’s what I expected to feel. Once I learnt to appreciate what I had, and the freedom I earned, I began to feel a lot better.

Staying here for the time being has many advantages. I have a job that I love, and moving further away would mean travelling a longer distance or having to switch employment altogether. It’s not what I want to do – I really enjoy working there, so why try to fix it if it’s not broken? Being here also keeps me closer to my family on both sides, and lets me maintain a close relationship with my mum’s side while exploring my dad’s side, who I don’t know so well yet. Rent here is cheaper than most places around on average, and so is the furniture, food and toiletries I’d need to buy to tick myself over. In every way it’s the best spring board into where I want to go – close enough to a few larger cities to look at new careers when I’m ready, and to visit all my friends, with the support of a large number of people around me to help get me started.

When I moved in with my ex boyfriend I was looking for an adventure, and it felt like one. But I realise that the real adventure I was looking for was the courage to do this step on my own. I couldn’t then, but I can now, and I’m going to embrace it as the biggest moment of independance in my life.

I can’t wait.

Kirsty

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